I had a good reflection to myself while walking. I was proud to be leading the group at the front and I was proud of myself for being able to walk such a great distance as leader (that almost never happens because #1 I'm directionally challenged, and #2 I'm not a runner/sprinter, I have asthma instead. The sun was blistering hot but the city of Madrid made an appropriate path for us to walk that had beautiful lush parks occasionally and sprinklers that we could run through every 3-4 km or so. We needed it.
Halfway through the walk, our pilgrims at the back were struggling and I was feeling lightheaded because of the heat -- part of the route was uphill and I am sure that is what did a lot of pilgrims in. Our momentum was lost so we took a break in the shaded to figure stuff out. I along with Monica, our Spanish coordinator and 6 other pilgrims, decided to get to Cuatro Vientos first, and take the metro so that we could get in and save a large spot for us. The gates were scheduled to open at 5 so we would only arrive shortly after that.
We took the subway to the furthest stop and still had to walk 2km, but the outpouring of support along the way was incredible. Citizens of Madrid were hanging outside their windows, collecting pilgrims' empty water bottles and filling them in their homes; other citizens were standing outside their homes spraying us with their hoses. It was genuine love and support and concern for all involved in this chaotic day.
Cuatro Vientos, upon arrival, looked like a desloate grey wasteland, and then further in, began to look like we were walking on Mars. The meal tents had run out of food and when we did manage to grab our meals, it was still quite a hike to where we were designated. Monica left us at the gate to bring meals to her brother in the wheelchair accessible section, and we waited.
Once we got in, we redeemed our food and headed towards our assigned section. Unfortunately, the gates opened wayyy earlier than scheduled (some pilgrims, when asked, told us that they arrived at 9am!!!!), and our section was absolutely full of people. All the sections were full except the ones in the back of the park with absolutely no view of the Papal Altar, stage, or giant-screens. We sat down outside our assigned gate and waited and waited for the rest of our group to arrive.
I played cards with the girls and we somehow sat comfortably, for lack of a bettter word until Monica came back. I was sending and recieving BBM's from the rest of the group and learned that the officials had CLOSED the gates to Cuatros Vientos! They were not letting any more people in! Apparently this was because the Vigil was going to start soon and the Holy Father needed to get in, and pilgrims were still arriving. But needless to say, panic began to set in, because #1, we still didnt have a secure spot anywhere, and #2, 80 of my pilgrims, including three coordinators, were outside the gates! The sky began to cloud over and we saw lightning in the distance. One of the girls with me freaked out and told me she had to go and seek shelter immediately. She didn't take no for an answer and the four girls left.
For me, WYD is not the same without any rain. Often, I think back to WYD 2002 in Toronto and remember how the rain was such a symbol of baptism. We endured, we waited, we kept vigilant. It caused a little anxiety, but did not let us falter or give up. I feel like the girls leaving our small group of 10 did not resemble the spirit of pilgrimage that I have grown up with. I have lived WYD for the past ten years of my life and I wouldn't give up this experience for anything else in the world.
After the girls left I was less than disappointed. I had to communicate this message to the others and I desperately wanted to be with the 80 pilgrims that got denied entry. I was scared, I was shocked, I was in awe, there were simply no words. The Pope arrrived! The vigil began! We still didn't have a secure spot. Listening to the Holy Father's words and contemplating what to do, the 5 of us remaining decided to leave Cuatro Vientos and meet our group wherever they were. If it meant that we slept in the streets outside the gates with them, so be it. We believed that the spirit of pilgrimage is to go through it together, and World Youth Day is about Unity and not being divided.
Our group was on their way back into downtown Madrid and they thought they could watch the Vigil at the Love and Life center, but they were at capacity and were advised by Fr. Rosica not to go there. So they went back to the hotel. My group got word of this and so we went back to our hotel too. It started to rain. The winds picked up and as soon as we were walking towards our gate (at least 3km).... it started to rain really violently. Plastic and paper and residue was flying all over the place, everyone was soaked, people were still cheering, Pope Benedict was still addressing us. I felt like we were in the storm from The Wizard of Oz. I didn't exactly have any bearings as to where we were, but it didn't feel like Kansas anymore.
We took our time getting back to the hotel and the two girls walking with me and Monica decided to sing to ease their minds. Many pilgrims were denied entry -- over 200 000! I saw some sleeping in the streets, in the parks, and many were waiting underground for the subway. Most of the restaurant owners that we passed had sympathy for us.
I had no words, no song in me; just an emptiness, a gratefulness (that everyone was safe) and a broken heart. When we arrived back at the hotel after 2 hours, everyone was grateful that we were safe, and we all just kind of hung out in the lobby unwinding from the incredibly exciting/challenging day.
I had no words and Neiman and Christian asked me how I was; and I just started to cry. I'm still awake -- I don't think I can sleep tonight; I wasn't planning to. So much of my heart is aching and so much of my heart is embracing God's will and lessons that He is giving me on a constant basis.
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